Anne of Cleves House in Lewes

Wednesday, 5 June 2019. We've been to Beachy Head and the Long Man of Wilmington and our third stop this morning includes toilets - ah at last! I parked in a car park with only one space left. Unfortunately some rich twerp had parked over the line in a Porsche 911 even though his space was the end one with loads of room on the other side if he wanted to overhang. I paused to let Miss Franny out and then reversed in using my wing mirrors, leaving just a bare inch between us. Sadly it wasn't his driver's side to make him wonder how to get in, but in the event it was still there when I left anyway. What a twonk!

This was what we had come to see. This house was given to Anne of Cleves by Henry VIII as part of the gifts given for her agreement to divorce him as his 4th wife. It was, after all said and done, better than the alternative... Once we were in we found that although she owned it, there is no record of her ever having visited it. She lived at Hever Castle - which had been the childhood home of a certain Anne Boleyn. Henry had found her too ugly for his tastes. When they married in 1540 he was 48 and she was 24. I'm sure she didn't exactly think of him as her ideal choice of husband...

The house is somewhat altered since the 16th century, but despite the lack of a carved "Anne was here" it contains much of interest, housing a few museum type collections as well as the period furniture. The main bedroom. It did originally have a ceiling as attested to by the beam sockets in the main beams. It's also worth noting that although the oak wood is very dark with age, it is so only because of its age. When new it would have been a golden honey colour.

I hold my hands up, I'm not really sure what this is as I didn't read the card at the side. What I think it could be is a draught excluder. A screen placed behind the door to a room to divert any draughts from blowing directly into the room.

The room below was set out so that meetings or classes or even meals could take place. I don't think Anne would have recognised the red tables and chairs somehow...

The kitchen. Spits for roasting and a crane for holding and swinging cauldrons and pans over the open fire. Houses in the 16th century were sparsely furnished. A stool or two, chairs if you were rich and a single table were the lot for most folk. In terms of cost to income ratios a simple hand cart would set you back the same as a new car would to us today.

In another wing were the little museum collections. One to ironwork which included lots of examples of firebacks and a display about cannon making. Another had a range of items from an old hand-drawn fire engine to case clocks to a plaster cast of the footprint of an iguanodon dinosaur found locally.

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The Long Man of Wilmington

Wednesday 5 June 2019. We left Beachy Head to find another of England's ancient wonders. The Long Man of Wilmington chalk figure. We've visited several of England's chalk figures before, the horses in Wiltshire, the rather naughty giant at Cerne Abbas and now it was just by chance that I saw that the local map for Eastbourne, where we were staying, included the village of Wilmington.

These days the chalk figure is more a white-painted breeze block figure with touches of white mortar. Modern folk are probably less likely to be enthusiastic about going up the hill every year to pull weeds out to keep the outline. There's no real agreement about how old it is. The earliest record of it seems to be from 1710 and it could be only 300 years old but it could be equally likely that it is 3000 years old.

Also unknown is who or what the figure represents. Was he infirm and having to walk with the aid of the staffs? In which case why are they quite so long? Was he some sort of martial arts wizard? Just an ordinary run-of-the-mill wizard who liked to cast spells with both hands? Yes alright, I'm getting silly! But one theory I've read is that it depicts a man divining the path of ley lines, those mysterious lines of energy that pass through many old stone circles, churches and henges. One name for such people was dodman - the old name for a snail.

Of more pressing interest to me on this fine morning is that the car park had a large sign saying that the toilets were closed. Consequently, this will be a swift visit... Admittedly there was a sign that said that the Alfriston car park toilets were open, but it did not include any helpful hints as to which direction these were or how far away... It was more of a taunt than a public service, really.

The wall of the car park was leaning so much that brick buttresses had been placed to stop it falling. Unfortunately the car park was busy enough to make nipping behind a buttress for a few minutes just a bit too risky...

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We Drop In To Beachy Head

Wednesday, 5 June 2019. We had tried to visit Beachy Head the previous night as it was literally about five minutes' drive away from the hotel. However it was shrouded in cloud and was so foggy that I turned round in a farm entrance and we came back down the hill.

So, a new day and a fresh start! A ferry is emerging from somewhere behind the white cliffs which are the famous Seven Sisters. We pass a few car parks and find the closest one to the spot. It may only be a pit of gravel at the side of the road but it does, but of course, have a ticket machine. We pay for an hour's stay and climb a small hill to find this view.

Beachy Head itself is easily identified by the crowd of people perched on top. I was surprised that on the approach and on top of the headland itself there is no fencing at all. The place, you have to admit, is very lemming friendly...

The lighthouse is far below. If you want to visit there is only the one obvious route from here - off the cliff edge which is a vertical drop of around 350 feet. It is, apparently, the third most popular spot for suicides in the world after the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco and the Aokigahara Forest on the flanks of Mount Fuji, Japan.

Judging from some of the antics we saw, there must be quite a few accidents as well occurring to people who think it wise to be photographed on the very brink. The name Beachy Head has nothing to do with the word "beach" as it was recorded as "Beauchef" in 1274, "beau chef" being "beautiful headland" in French. Corrupted by stages, it became consistently "Beachy Head" by 1724.

We are only parked for an hour so we take a last look westwards along the coast and set off back towards the car. It will be a day of bits and pieces. Next stop is a rather tall chap wielding two large sticks...

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