Following on from yesterday's article about me finding out that I had cancer on my liver, I wanted to say a few words about the emotions this might cause anyone with a similar diagnosis in the hope it may help or support others through a very difficult time.
First of all a slight disclaimer re the photo - I posed for it this morning. Not that I didn't have any emotional times... despite what some will tell you I am human and despite what I might tell you, I am only human! It's just that at the times when I had an emotional interlude, I wasn't quite able to think: "this would make a good shot for the blog..."
I don't tend to look on the darker side of life and after the first possibility of cancer was mentioned we took the stance that until it was confirmed then it wasn't worth worrying about. Not that it didn't cross my mind a bit and this is an important point to make. No one can tell you how to react to such news. If you need to let tears out, let them out. It's far better for you than trying to be macho. Better again if you have a sympathetic someone there with you. Either just willing to listen or to share the emotions. I'm told that the MacMillan organisation are good at that but personally I've not had the need to call them. Other people have been good at listening and most times that's all I've needed. Advice, encouragement and support I can find helpful, sympathy I've not looked for and it can actually make things worse sometimes.
You will find that all sorts of emotions and thoughts might affect you. The "Why me?" thoughts can either make you feel let down by life or make you very, very angry. It's not logical to be surprised perhaps when we are told that one in two people will get cancer and this ratio seems to keep growing. I'm not sure why, but if you try to connect to your wi-fi on your phone or computer you will see an entire street's worth of routers listed all of which are blasting some sort of radio waves through you as do Sky, Netflix, Apple and other entertainment channels whether you subscribe or not, your own and nearby mobile phones, God knows how many SatNav and other surveillance satellites etc etc. In the 1990s we wondered whether mobile phones would damage our health in any way - perhaps we are getting the answers now...? In any case logic has very little to do with you getting angry or not. I hardly ever lose my temper yet I had spells in those early days after my diagnosis of finding myself having to bottle my anger lest some poor innocent should find themselves being shouted at.
I half touched on another thing in the previous article that can make you intensely angry. That is thoughtless comments or actions by others who either think they are helping or who simply have all the empathy of a well-cemented brick... A few examples are:
No, don't get up... I'll do it...
No... you haven't got cancer, [then either] you've got all your colour in your face [or] you don't look ill.
For me the unbelievable doozy came when I mentioned to someone, within a week of being told I had inoperable and incurable cancer, that I didn't know how long I had left to live (the fact that I was low enough to broach that subject should have been a clue to be kind). No, instead I got the response (delivered in an annoyed tone): "Well no-one knows how long they've got - I could fall under a bus tomorrow!" Oh man - you've no idea how good it would have felt to smack your nose right through to the back of your head just then... Luckily I'm not that sort of guy - just don't give that response to anyone else!
If there's one main message to give in this article it is this. Emotions are very personal. And you are allowed to have them. If you need to shout your anger out then do it. Try not to make the life of someone close to you a misery though. It's not their fault. And there's a message there for partners, family and friends. A person trying desperately to hold onto their sanity after a diagnosis may act in extreme ways. Be there for them when they are able to be helped. Give them space when they are flinging blame or anger about. As I've said already: there's no logic involved in such emotions. And lastly Good Luck in holding it together.
In the next article I'll explain what to expect when having a scan - whether it be an Ultrasound, CT or MRI scan.
Brilliant advice John. I will take this on board x
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